Saturday, December 27, 2008

Insecurity

I went and saw "The Curious Case of Mr. Button" tonight. Andy and I dug my old Suburu out of the snow and hit the road. My windshield wipers do more smearing than clearing and my headlamps are so dim it's like driving by candle light. But we made it up the road just fine.

We found our seats twenty minutes before the movie and as the place started to fill up a man about my age with a bald head and big arms asked if the seats next to me were taken and I said, no, please, have a seat. So, he motioned for his girlfriend and soon the two of them were getting comfortable next to me. I had to uncross my legs. She was a girl about my age too, very pretty. And as the advertisements and previews played they talked away. I always have a hard time not listening in to other people's conversations.

I heard that she worked in a retail store selling perfume. The man said that he didn't know what he wanted to do yet. He was working his job for two reasons, he said. First, because it was easy and second he worked with his friends. She said he should do what he loves--find a career. He agreed, but again, what was there to do, he wondered? She got quiet and the lights dimmed. He had his hands on her the whole time. She cuddled into his shoulder.

The movie was so good. You have to see it. But as I was sitting there watching this movie about life and love, I kept seeing the man's hands on the woman's legs, caressing her thigh, patting her butt. He couldn't stop touching her. And every time I started to really get into the movie, to let my mind fall into fantasy, I'd hear them start to whisper.

Made me suspicious I guess, why the man was so handsy. What was he going to do for a living? That started to trip me up. Another man's life, a strangers life, started to worry me. Would she leave him in a few months because he wasn't ambitious? How long would they cuddle before they didn't any more?

It scared me a little bit to think about being that guy. I am that guy or something like him. But tonight I wasn't worried about my career, about my future. I was just watching a movie the day after Christmas with my brother and we drove through the snow. I guess what I'm getting at is that the best way to watch a movie is with someone watching the movie.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Cute



If an extra-terestrial archelogist were to come to this planet in the far distant future and dig through tarnished ruins of human civilization and were to unearth this letter, what would that being think about the people that once lived here? This is a relic of cuteness that has no rival. If I were a great king I'd make it the crowning jewel of all my kingdom!

Jiwon has to be the most beautiful creature I have ever come across in my life. Going back to Korea is going to be a trial. There will be loneliness, displacement, unrest, hardwork. But how could I say no to working with creatures such as these!?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Yuppy Chain Mail #3

Dear Friends,

Happy Winter Solstice. As the year comes to a close, I want to take this time to fill you in on what I have been up to in 2008. I can only hope that this year has been as good to you as it has to me.

The weather is turning colder now in the Pacific Northwest and snow is even in the forecast this weekend. How ever cold it might be outside, I urge you not to get in your car. I have found that taking the public transport saves me money and, moste importantly, saves the planet. It makes any errand I am running at least three times longer and sometimes I only accomplish one small thing a day but the pride I feel sitting on that bus is all worth it. So please abandon comfort and sacrifice for the earth this Solstice. I do.

I am still single and for a large part of the year I was without a job. This was not wasted time however as I created an account in Second Life. Second Life turns out to be more exciting than my real life because in the game I can fly. Which means I can look for wives and jobs all over the world without any carbon footprint. I bought a piece of virtual property and put a building on it. It kind of looks like an old Gothic chapel inside and at the far end is an alter made of stone. On the alter is my resume. It is really cool because it is an interactive document and employers can actually click on it and stuff. What I'm really learning is that employer's don't have time to look into your eyes and search for something concrete like honesty or integrity, but what they're really looking for is that you have the ability to market yourself using modern software. Oh and get this, my avatar in Second life has long jet black hair. The hair graphics are sweet, especially when the wind makes individual strands blow around.

I also bought a new pair of jeans in October. I was watching Project Runway and America's Next Top Model on-line, sometimes devouring entire seasons in one day. And I guess I started feeling things I had never felt before. I'm not gonna say "gay" feelings, but definitely a feeling that fashion forwardness is important, possibly the most important thing about my life right now. I went to Fred Meyer and looked through all the jeans and finally settled on a low rise skinny leg jean with faded patches on the thighs and butt. The waist is low enough that my love handles stick out and in the crotch region it appear that I have a man camel toe. When ever I bend over my butt crack totally hangs out. I'm not going to say that I'm 100 percent confident wearing them yet but watching "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style" is really helping with my self esteem. And also, you know, I just think that style is a reflection of my strong belief in tolerance. I personally think celebrating and embracing collective androgyny is as important as maybe even the civil rights or anti-war movements of the 60's.

Lastly guys I just want to say that, "Yes we can". This election year something amazing happened. A nation of people with one goal in mind, to be "progressive" elected a man that embodies the future hope of our nation. I hate it that he smokes, in fact that might even be a deal breaker for me, but lets hope together. Happy Solstice everybody!

Love,
Matt

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Washington State

I live in one of the most whacked out leftist regions in the country. The attitudes that people have here astound me. Living in Bellingham, a college town, I thought perhaps the ideologies being preached from the street corners were perhaps just a result of young university students lost and immature. But I see the same ideas being espoused by full grown adults in Everett, a working man's town, and even from the governor of our state.

Here some examples of what I mean: 1) An irrational hatred for George Bush.
2) A proclamation of tolerance by those that are so intolerant that they call those that see differently from themselves "bigots".
3)Rejecting the idea that there is objective truth
4)A victim mentality

The president of our country is an elected official. The highest office of service in our country. It is not the president, but the people who make this country strong. People seem to forget that we do not live under a monarchy or tyranny. If we do not like the job that the president is doing we vote him out of office which is what has occurred and which points to the health of our democracy. Anyone who when asked what they are doing to make the world a better place responds with some rant about George Bush makes me want to cry. I don't know what to do for a person that far gone.

I have a certain world view. Mainly that I want the government to stay out of my way as I try and make it in this world, taking responsibility for my own destiny. What others do with their life is their own business and I wish people would be more private about it. There are some that believe that government should run our lives for us. That is their preference and if one holds to this ideology, fine with me, my brother! We can debate the issues civilly and sway our country men to our own points of view letting our voice be heard through the democratic process of voting. And this: I don't have a problem with someone being gay. I don't care. Let me say that again. I don't care! Just don't try and change definitions. Get a job.

For some there is no such thing as truth. None at all. You believe that way if you want but that is your truth. My truth is something else. Yeah maybe you have different tastes, for example you like dark beer, I like light beer and so on. But your computer, the highway system, even crowd control is governed by universal truths. Science! Don't politicize it, please.

And finally victimization. Anyone who can't take responsibility for his own life, who blames others for where he is at is not a viable part of our free democracy but a prisoner of his own mind.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Beatles

I'm up late reminsicing.

There is this pub down an ally way in Janghanpyeung called Beatles. The walls are covered in slips of paper with notes and song requests. On one of those slips of paper is a picture I drew one very late night. It's a little home with a pathway leading from the door and winding through the grass yard and out the little picket fence that surrounds the scene.

The man who runs the place has a huge room filled with old records. He sits in the room all night and plays the records. His beautiful daughter would bring us plates of fresh fruit as a gift. Sometimes we wouldn't leave until sunrise just listening to music.

I knew it was special and a lot of the times I'd just breath it in trying to hang on to the moment but it was always so slippery.

Pohang

It is interesting how life unfolds and how things done yesterday create unexpected challenges and joys today. I am headed back to Korea.

This year will be much different than last as I will be not in the big city of Seoul but the smaller beach city of Pohang. My responsiblities will be greater and I am half scared to death that I might fail. But a door has been opened and I am going to walk through and trust in the Lord to help me.

Next week I will be in Washington DC, and then Christmas at home, and then over the Pacific, to Korea.

Merry Christmas!

Housing Market Crash

The value of a home is not the resale value. A home's value comes from it's ability to keep you warm when it is cold. To bring comfort after a long day's work. A solid ground on which to rise a family. A castle to call your own. Many homes put together create a community, a government, and finally a nation. Home is where the heart is. It is a place to ache for when you're in foreign lands. A home is filled with memories, with smells, with laughter--sometimes unrest. Babies become boys, become men, become fathers and grandfathers in a home. A home is inter-generational, a place to plant the family tree. Homes tame wild lands and wild hearts. The value of a home is not monetary. Ultimately our home is not in this world but in heaven. Our homes are reflections of the otherworldly, a manifestation of our spirit. A gift.

A home is not a market bubble.

I have been priced out of the home market for sometime. It is exciting to think that in the future, I too, might, through hard work and blessings, be able to afford a wood house to indwell with my spirit and perhaps to start my own family in.