Monday, October 04, 2004

Teeth Whitening

In the bathroom mirror I see the reflection of my face. I am fascinated by the image staring back at me. His nose is crinkled and pointing upward towards the light, giving an unusual visial perspective of the nostrals. Two, three, four, black hairs are sticking out. There are folds of skin where his eyes should be as a result of a power squint. His forehead--speed bumps of flesh. His mouth is open wide, almost wide enough to tear the skin on the corners, but not quite. The color of his face is bright red. "That's me," I think, and relax my face.

The motor on my toothbrush is on full blast and I am concentrating all of its fire power to my left fang. I am hypnotised by the sound of the tooth brush, forming in my mind an image of a great army of germs being cut down by the millions by my oral weapon of mass destruction. Bits of tooth paste and siliva are splattering on the mirror, the blood and guts of my tarter enemies.

The battle is over, it's time to clean up the battle field. I swish Listerine in my mouth. The guy in the mirror looks like a chipmunk eating a mouth full of granola. My gum are a burning inferno. I spit.

To Andy who is playing video games in the next room, "Hey do you brush your teeth with baking soda?"


"You should start using Crest Whiteing Strips."

"Yeah, I should. How long does it take to do that?"

"Well your supposed to wear them twice a day for 14 days. But man, the free time I have, when I should be wearing these things...I am either smoking cigarettes or drinking coffee, two things that stain my teeth."


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