Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentines Day!

My brother is the best guy I know. I sure do love him.

He's a nice guy, an innocent guy. Treats women like gold and so far they've stomped on him. He's kind of seeing this girl lately. I ask him what he's doing for Valentines day. He looks at me blankly. "Dude you better do something!" I say. "I'm telling you as your older brother, make a card, something." He agrees.

An hour later he comes out of his room with this card he's been making, a painting of a woman on the ground with a chest full of arrows, bloodied, and cupid flitting in the air with an empty quiver. It is precious. A thing of genius. Should be hung in the Guggenheim. And I know right then, he's going to get his heart trampled again.

"No, no, this won't do. You need flowers. You need canned mushrooms and a hallmark card with a 19th century love poem printed in an exaggerated feminine flowing script font. You have to take her in your arms and pretend that your an old time movie star. Give her all those fantasies she was raised on as a girl. Be an asshole, be an intellectual assf@#*, but don't be nice, don't be innocent! Get a cheap hotel room and bring a video camera. That is what women want."

He looks worried. "But Jaleena is a nice girl."

"Well now there is a question for philosophical inquiry," I say. "How can you be certain of anything? Everyone projects niceness at first but underneath, aren't we all seething pools of lusts, desires, and lies?" I smile, "Don't listen to your bro, I'm just kidding around. Just be honest."

I love my bro. He is a nice guy. He is going to get destroyed.


Ann Spam said...

For some reason, I always thought you were Andy's younger brother and not the other way around!


In spite of what you said... I HOPE he didn't get his heart trampled. Actually, I hope he won't. Time Zone differences apply...

Good luck.

Michael said...

In my 30 years in life, I have learned there are two types of girls: Bad girls you don't take home to mom, and bad girls you can take home to mom.

There is no such thing as a good girl. Even the nicest, sweetest ones are bad.

Matt said...

I have found the same thing, my brother, the same thing.

Anonymous said...

A girl who loves Jesus more than anyone else, is more precious than gold. She is free to truely love, because her GOD is LOVE.