Friday, January 13, 2006


He puts the car in park and turns the radio down. The sound of the windshield wipers scraping across the window is almost as loud as his beating heart. The police cruisers spot light fills the cab of his car with a blinding light, making him feel uneasy--there is stage fright. His heart almost burst with the tap on the window.

"License, registration, and condom ." from the beefcake cop, with his hand on his holster.

"Uh, yes, sir, here are my papers." the trembling boy offered.

"Condom. I need proof of protection."

"I, I, I don't have any on me, sir."

"Step out of the vehicle, and do it slowly. Good, nice and easy. Hands! Hands! Let me see those hands bub. No tricky stuff. Now hands behind your back. You want to tell me why your cruising around town, past all this poonanny on the street, with out proper protection, boy?"

"I, was just running up to the market to pick up some milk for my mom. We ran out at home and she was going to make French toast for dinner. Please officer, I was just going to run up to the store, it is only a few blocks away."

"The grocery store huh, I should hall you away right now. There's a helluva a lot of pun-tang at the grocery store, kid. You want to get aids? What, you got no respect for yourself, walking into to a trap like the grocery store without a condom? Your a real punk, boy."

"Uh, yes, sir. Sorry sir. It's just that well, I’m not the kind of guy that sleeps around sir, I, I am a virgin, I am saving myself for the one I love. My wife."

"Ha, how old are you boy?"

"Sixteen, sir."

"Your so naive. You, hooligan. There ain't no way you gonna stay a virgin, not in this punanni wasteland. It's everywhere boy. It's scary, it's dangerous. It'll eat you alive. If you worked in my line of work, see what I see everyday… Yep, your a young idealist, boy. There are factors beyond your control or any of our control. You can't control your pecker, boy, and your gonna wrap it up or go to jail. I'm takin you in, smart ass."

"But, sir. No."

"Get in." Opening back door of the cruiser. "Head down."

The adrenalin hits the boys heart and without thinking he bolts--slipping right out of the cops hands, he runs through the rain--hands behind his back. But he is no match for officer Beefcake who is on his heals--who pounces on the boy, body slamming his small frame into the asphalt

"Your in a world of trouble now, son. You young men are so impulsive and reckless, there ain't no way your gonna be able resist the poon. Your ours now, boy. We own you. One Adam Twelve--we have a four five nine, that's right, bolting virgin. I'm gonna need back up."

1 comment:

Ann Spam said...

So humourous yet conveys the point directly!

Hope it'll never happen in the future though... That's a thought.