Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The Biggest Geek Post Ever

I bought my ticket to see Star War III. I am kinda bummed because I couldn't find anyone to go to the midnight showing with me. Everyone has a job! But I am going to see it Thursday night. I remember going to see episode I. It was like I was partaking in a generational event. My mom and dad saw the original Star Wars on their first date. I've always wished I could have been alive to see the original in the theater. How disappointed I was sitting there in the theater at 1 am on May 15th 1999. The movie was a major snoozer and I remember feeling violent towards Jar Jar.

Andy and I had the biggest nerd conversation ever this afternoon about how horrible these new Star Wars movies are. For some reason I have been unable to write lately and so am forced to put my thoughts in list form. So here is another list of why the new Star Wars movies suck. Feel free to add to the list. Or if you love these movies tell me why.

1. The original trilogy used the age old quest model. Good triumphs over evil and look here is the struggle that made it possible. The quest model is the spine of fantasy and religion. Star Wars is like a religion. I am not sure what Lucas has been smoking but he trashed the quest motif and like all obnoxious garbage in today's culture chose instead a political drama model. Who gives a flyin' rip about trade federation embargos and treaties.

2. The resolution of the entire trilogy was Darth Vadar on his death bed, mask off, death star crumbling around him, saying "Luke you were right about me". Vader was redeemed man! Hallelujah. It seems to me then that the prequels should be about Vader's fall. We haven't even seen Vader yet! Instead we got a pod race with baby talk cartoon aliens that lasted over a half hour! Come on, Anakin should have been turning into Vader during the first movie.

3. If we would have seen Vader in the first movie instead having a racial war between the Gungans and the Nebuians shoved down our throat, Then Vader could have been kickin' some ass in the second movie instead of some old man I've never seen and don't care about--count Dooko.

4. Andy pointed this out and it is a very good point. Qui Gon was a bad ass, possibly the coolest jedi in all the movies. Darth Mall, even with all the make-up, was a rad sith. We get attached to these characters and then Lucas throws them away only to introduce us to more and more jedi. How does Darth Mall tie in with the redemption scene? He doesn't--at all. But he did make a profitable action figure as did Qui Gon Gin.

5. The acting wasn't all that great in the original movies either. In fact the dialogue wasn't even that great. The writing in the new movies is just plane horrible. Anakin reciting love poems in the second movie is truly hard to watch. The guy who plays Anikan, should win the worst actor in history award. Who wouldn't want to be in Star Wars? Couldn't they find a better actor than that dude? I guess he is a teen age heart throb. Once again we are talking money over story.

6. Computer animation is over used and cheap looking. The models will always look better. Compare Lord of the Rings with Star Wars... There is no comparison.

7. Fart jokes.

8. Jar Jar.

Even though I find the first two prequels to be inferior films. I will still be at the premiere of episode 3, my seven fity is already in Lucas's pocket.

2 comments:

Michael said...

I'm seeing it as a midnight showing... then the following afternoon, since I am unemployed.

As far as the prequel and why they haven't been as good, I look at it differently than you do.

1. horrible directing. Natalie Portman, Hayden Christenson, Liam Neeson, Ewen McGregor, Christopher Lee, Samuel L. Jackson... all damn fine actors and actresses in other movies. (Yes, even Hayden.) Lucas has done some horrible directing to get such bad performances out of the group.

2. Should have scrapped episode 1. Start at episode 2, where Anikan is a teenager learning the ways of the force. Episode 3 should have been episode 2. Show the fall of anikan to the dark side. Episode 3 would then be the hunting and slaying of the Jedi order.

3. Rose colored glasses. We all grew up with those films. They are deities. Just picture Mark Hammill saying "aw, but i wanted to go into toshi station to pick up some power converters." Yes... BAD ACTING. WHINY. Episode 1 had Jar-Jar the hated. Episode 6 had ewoks. Both are bad, except the ewoks had that cool song THAT GOT REMOVED FROM THE ORIGINAL!!!

4. I do like the villains in the movies, but they didn't use them the way they should have. Dooku shouldn't have been a sith, but would have made a good dark jedi character in his role. That would open up still having darth maul as the bad-ass sith apprentice, who just hacks folks up for a film. Second film have grievus and dooku. third film would be all VADER!!!

that's just my $1.75

Momily said...

I think that for the most part, Lucas has given up on good dialogue and good directing in exchange for overblown special effects and quality fight scenes. Apparently he thinks that that's all that makes a movie good anymore. Oh, and for some reason he feels the need to throw in some random (completely unneeded) character for "comic relief". I think that yes, if he'd gone back to the epic hero and downfall/salvation base themes, all three of these movies could have been much better off. Especially if they'd gotten someone good to write the dialogue like they did in the original 3 movies. Those 3 are classic, and I could probably recite a good many lines along with while watching them.