Math

Good ol' Cookie Monster is going on a diet. A felt puppet pretending to eat cookies is sending the wrong message to kids about eating habits. Apparently there is no problem with big business selling those same kids coke and Pepsi products in school hallways. And wait a minute, since when did kids of the Sesame Street viewing age have the money or wit to independently buy cookies. Parents need their heads examined!

Is that what I wanted to write about, cookie monster?

I decided to take full advantage of a resource I have yet to exploit--the University Library's video room. I figure that since so many professors find it acceptable to show us videos in class, and I pay roughly fifty dollars per class session to watch a video, that I could get a few honorary degrees on my own time for free. This is a two part decision: I. I am boycotting Hollyfuckingwood. Not only is the content of Hollywood film morally repulsive and cliche, it is just plain boring. But I have been conditioned for 25 years to feel loved while watching TV, so if I can't watch cable TV or movies, then my only option besides porn is educational videos II. I really want to learn more about the huge world we live in.

I found a treasure chest on the dusty shelves of the philosophy section, a ten tape video history of philosophy, from ancient Greece and India right up to present day. One thing that made me kind of sad and yet totally excited is this: My math teachers in high school were douche bags, I was a douche bag, and here is the exciting part, Math is the language of God. It really is to bad that my math and science teachers never said, "hey guys, did you know that these equations here in this book, hint at a higher plane of existence. See, a2+b2=c2 is how you say, 'thank you', in God speak. And this rhombus here means, 'pass the squash'. Man if they would have said that, I would have torn my shirt, sold my possessions, and taken up apprenticeship with a mathematician. But instead, when asked what the point of geometry was, they had no good reason outside of billiards. Billiards! No wonder everyone fell asleep in math class and copied the odd answers out of the back of the book.

I was a foolish kid. They (I use the term "they" because I am on a conspiratorial rant) wanted me to be ignorant of a higher reality so I would go on to get a middle class job, doing my patriotic duty to support the economy and after a hard day of work at the office, feel pretty content about life while drinking beer and playing pool with my buddies. Now the US is falling behind in the sciences... Here is how I would turn our country around. Let kids know how awesome things really are, that learning is fun. That math is about more than balancing your credit card statements, it is about understanding one of the many languages of God. And dont outlaw cookie monster... ban pink belly shirts that say "sexy" across the chest from all middle schools in the country!

I am listening to music. I am whistling math equations.